I wasn’t going to write a post for Monday, I was going to take the day off. After all 9 posts in 7 days for a new blogger should be good enough right? What I find though is that it’s not enough, I have a desire a yearning to do more. (Besides, what else is a person supposed to do when you wake up at 2 in the morning?) Will blogging like my many other hobbies will be like a shooting star, beginning bright and fiery only to fade leaving nothing more than a faint trail in the night sky? Perhaps, but until then, it is an excellent distraction.
Often times, I dream about my hobbies becoming a new career, being able to do something that I love to put food on the table. Regardless of the amount of time that I have spent with all of my hobbies, or when I set them down and move on to the next, I truly enjoy them all and get the same sense of euphoria each time I go back to them. I often ask myself, how would life have been different had I become a writer, painter, or carpenter?
Sadly, I find myself stuck in a career that is killing me trying to make a living. In scanning funny memes on Pinterest, I find one that seems to be written just for me, “It’s gotten to the point where I am working here to pay for the prescriptions I now require to cope with working here”.
I was awakened this morning choking unable to catch my breath, it felt as though a huge set of hands was wrapped around my throat slowly closing collapsing my trachea preventing life-giving oxygen from entering my straining lungs. The feeling was terrifying, no doubt caused by my cold/allergies whatever it is. However, it has gotten to the point where I get the same feeling every morning when I wake for work. Going to a place with so much hate and contention from people, many of whom, I’ve never met, who know nothing about me except for quotes in the newspaper, makes me question whether it is worth it.
I often times wonder if it wouldn’t be better to start anew, become an apprentice for someone in a new trade, or just find a minimum wage job in retail or fast food. Alas, that’s not what prudent adults with a family and a mortgage do. We keep plodding down the same path chasing the carrot dangling in front of us hoping for eventual retirement.
I admire those who follow their own path who say to hell with the carrot and often times in doing so find something much better. Perhaps one day I will be able to break from the norm and tread my own path. Until then, I suppose I’ll keep chasing the carrot.